We rise and rise again...

until lambs become lions. -A quote from the 2010 Robin Hood movie we should consider as adults and parents.

“We don’t need to stop teaching our children they are lions. We need to become adult lions who are capable of raising our stronger, more willful children.” Joe Newman in Raising Lions

Whenever my sister and I discuss her experiences within the public education system, there is one world that often comes up: 

Accountability.

Far too many parents drop their kids off at school and assume the teacher has the responsibility to not only teach the required state subjects to pass blanket state standards, but also teach them how to navigate social struggles and conflict among appropriately immature same-aged peers, often in large class settings, while instilling strong values, all of which will translate into a mature, able, emotionally-capable child at home and into adulthood… with or without parent engagement. 

You could argue a lot there. I understand that socioeconomic status and work schedules and inflationary costs and raising mental health concerns are all part of this disconnected and stressed population. But that does not mean parents do not hold responsibility for elevating their lives, holding themselves to higher standards, and prioritizing connection with their children, across the socioeconomic spectrum.

Becoming lions themselves rather than sheep to a system that is easy to blame in order to escape accountability. 

While writing this, I was reminded of Sonya Carson. In his book, Gifted Hands, the renowned neurosurgeon Dr. Benjamin Carson shares the story of his mother, Sonya, who was married at just 13 years old with a third grade education. She solo parented her two boys most of their lives in impoverished areas of Boston and Detroit, before the Civil Rights Act as a black woman, while working multiple jobs to make ends meet, and battling her own mental health struggles. In elementary school, by her instruction, her boys were to read two books from the public library seven blocks away and provide a report on each every week. Sonya held a higher standard for herself as a parent despite brief formal education, racism, and poverty.

She was a lion who raised lions. 

So, the question for me is:

How do we hold parents responsible and accountable for reasonable care of their children without infringing on their individual freedoms to parent within their beliefs and choices? I constantly grapple with this question because of my sister’s battles within public education AND beliefs that I do not co-parent with the government. 

And I think my answer is: We hold each other accountable.

We disrupt what it means to be educated.

We disrupt what it means to be connected.

We simply hold each other to a higher standard.

Because if we let the government set standards or create and uphold legislation, as we are seeing in some states in America, for how parents care for their kids —including how a child is educated or which medical procedures they should or can have without parent consent — we are giving power over our parenting and over our children. It is a slippery slope and standard I would not entrust to either side of the isle. 

And although we need prosecution for those parents who clearly neglect or abuse their children, I do not have the perfect answer for parental “punishment” or accountability for those who do just enough to sneak by DHS. It is like putting a young child in timeout for the same crime over and over without ever teaching them values and emotional skills and boundaries, and expecting a different result. Too many adults fall into that category.

So, how do we shift out of this culture of using public education for “free” taxpayer paid childcare, with the goal of meeting state “standards” or beating ridiculous standardized testing goals to a culture of: My kid’s teachers are a supplement to what I provide them at home and we work together to build competent young adults. 

How do we help every child learn that they are meant to do something great with their life, despite their circumstance? 

How do we teach parents to become lions, and raise lions?

Let me be clear, especially as a homeschooling parent, although I have many qualms with public education and the sprinkled political agendas within policies, I do not blame school teachers for our problems. I believe most teachers were inspired to get into education to inspire, but got trapped into a system that is too authoritarian and bureaucratic to allow for flexibility and creativity in curricula. And I know there are plenty of kids who go through public education, go to public universities and get degrees and grow families and do fine in this world, myself included.

But I wish for more than fine for my family and for the families around me. And as I am sure most teachers today would echo, there are a growing number of kids in school who are struggling with the basics of reading, writing, and arithmetic, who show up to school with rotting teeth, who don’t know how to toilet themselves, who don’t know how to handle frustration, who don’t know how to handle a boundary, who have a decent week at school then return after the weekend emotional and dysregulated, whose parents blame the teachers for their child’s behaviors, who lack and crave connection and think that means Snapchat or texting same-aged, equally immature beings is the solution, who don’t see the value in education, who are overly medicated and overly diagnosed… And we have just accepted it and perpetuated the problem, without changing and accepting responsibility as parents. As the adults. 

I am part of a community called Apogee which has been part of my own accountability and growth journey as a parent. Apogee’s mission is to reseed freedom in our children and in our nation through education for the entire family. Apogee has helped me rethink what it means to be educated. 

Rethink how I show up for my family. 

Rethink how I communicate in my marriage. 

Rethink how I integrate our boys into our family and uphold their responsibilities. 

Rethink how we have meaningful conversations and engage with others. 

Rethink how we overcome obstacles and see the joys in failure. 

Rethink sovereignty and freedom, and become self-reliant. 

I share this because Apogee has been a point of connection for me where other families desire, expect, and achieve more. Because we grow and learn and fail and achieve together. Because we are willing to disrupt what we were taught. Most importantly, we have that accountability which is so desperately missing within our families today. 

We become lions ourselves to raise lions who are capable, connected, articulate, and purposeful.

There is a disconnect somewhere between parenting and families today, the public school system, the departments of human services and education, and that accountability. I am constantly trying to find and articulate the answer. I care too much about children to ignore it, and yet it seems daunting to tackle a problem that is also so deeply rooted within our culture to keep drowning our teachers. 

When the work, the deep meaningful work, begins and grows in our homes.